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Version: 1.0
(July 25, 2005)

Ode to The Allen Wrench

Jan 11, 2013 by Ugh
Fuck you. That is all.


Jan 12, 2013, 07:48:24 John Thullen wrote:

My feelings exactly.

Try as I might, I can't find anything wrong with your formulation.

I'm glad we've found middle ground, for once.

Jan 13, 2013, 06:30:30 nous wrote:

...and your first cousin, Torx.

Jan 14, 2013, 07:31:29 russell wrote:

i have to admit, i have no problem with allen wrenches.

the fitments i hate are the panheads that have a phillips cross, but one of the slots is deeper than the other, so it can masquerade as a plain flat-slot screw.

it's half-assed, and functions well neither as phillips or flat.

get offa the fence, i say. because you are neither hot nor cold, i spew you out of my mouth.

Jan 14, 2013, 09:02:23 sapient wrote:

When I found out what Allen wrenches were (kind of recently, a couple of years ago) I was so grateful. In fact, I kind of felt good.

I bought a set and left them in my car, and you would have no idea how many times they have come in handy for non-wrench purposes. I mean, when you think outside the box, they are there, in your car.

Jan 14, 2013, 22:16:14 Slartibartfast wrote:

I've had an N-in-one set of hex keys for almost three decades, now. Allen wrenches are only problematic to me when they're used in poorly dimensioned and poorly constructed fasteners. Which usually means the fit is poor AND the key depth is far too shallow. I've had to put quite a bit of torque on an Allen fastener, but it was one of those bolts whose head is quite deep; even taller than it was wide. Bottom line: if it's deep enough, an Allen bolt works just fine.

That said, nearly all of the assemble-it-yourself furniture uses fasteners of the poorly-designed variety. Makers of that kind of stuff are, I fervently hope, doomed to some kind of afterlife retribution.

I also have few problems with Torx fasteners, aside from the initial resistance to obtaining the proper bits.

Jan 16, 2013, 05:58:37 nous wrote:

Torx wrenches and fittings seem less well standardized than their scale and applications demand. Seems you need to have a few brands of Torx wrenches and a few different makes of screw to get a good fit and not strip the buggers. Part of this may be that the fittings aren't hardened enough, but I've had to replace them far more often than I'd prefer.

Jan 16, 2013, 20:55:08 Slartibartfast wrote:

Cheap Torx fasteners go right alongside cheap hex fasteners in work-of-Satan-ness.

Jan 16, 2013, 22:34:48 Ugh wrote:

Slarti hit on the source of my frustration - assemble-it-yourself furniture. In this case, it was two kid sized chairs and nearly impossible to fit the legs on the seat. Feh.

Jan 17, 2013, 02:56:15 Slartibartfast wrote:

"Fick sich" seems to be a decent German translation.

Maybe. I've never actually spoken German with a German. My German teacher was born a Pole.

Jan 17, 2013, 11:00:25 russell wrote:

... all "Fuck yous" should be rephrased as "Fuck one!" or "One must go fuck oneself" ...

we could try 'f**k the rhetorical you'.

or maybe fall back to an earlier, kinder, gentler generation and go with 'up your nose with a rubber hose'.

or maybe 'your mother wears army boots', which always struck me as a curious and amusing malediction.

after today's white house presser i imagine the opportunities will bloom like flowers after a spring rain.

Jan 21, 2013, 23:46:36 cleek wrote:

we need to add the square-head screw to the list of things which should not exist.

flat not good enough? phillips not good enough? hex not good enough? torx not gonna do it? square! yeah, square head!

Jan 22, 2013, 02:00:38 russell wrote:

in the world of drums, there is one universal standard screw that is used for virtually everything, and it has a square head, which is driven by a drum key.

absolutely universal. every manufacturer, every drum product that uses a screw for tuning or general attachment of parts, everywhere around the world. thousands and thousands and thousands of products.

except for one and only one exception.

Sonor drums, made in Germany, uses a round-headed lug screw, which has a slot. to replace or tune heads on Sonor drums, you must use a Sonor drum key.

so, I carry not one but two drum keys on my key ring.

stupid Germans.

nice drums, though.

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